As this season winds down, friends, and the Canes continue to be double-plus ungood, I find myself driven to drink some stronger stuff. And I wanted to approach this post a little differently than I usually do, so here’s what I’m doing. I’m enjoying four (4) cans of tonight’s choice; Southern Pines FruitJitsu. It’s an Imperial Stout that clocks in at a BEEFY 13% ABV. I’ll be posting my unedited thoughts after each beer, along with a picture of each pour. So let’s get started:

Pour One:

It’s not a small can, it’s a 50 centiliter glass next to the tallboy can of this stout. FruitJitsu is a thicc imperial stout conditioned on blackberry and blueberry puree, being finished with cacao nibs. You get that roast toasty goodness, but also it’s a strong dessert beer with it’s sweet chocolate and dark fruit notes, which shine through in both aroma and the front end of the taste. I’ll go ahead and hit important parts of the notes before I get too drunk and forget them: our good friends at BottleMixx only have a few of these left, so while supplies last these are five bucks a can, which honestly is a great price for a high abv beer that is almost reminiscent of a tawny port (HEY SOUTHERN PINES? PLEASE MAKE THIS AGED IN TAWNY PORT BARRELS AND I WILL PAY A LOT FOR IT). Let’s go through the standard Beer Judge Certification Program rating system:

Aroma: Out of 12, I give this one a 10. The aroma is strong without being overpowering, sweet (just slightly sweet enough to stop it getting the 12), and hides the booziness that awaits within the sip. You get great dark fruit in the nose, which I am all about, and it finishes with the chocolatey goodness you can find in a Godiva.

Appearance: 3/3. Perfectly dark body, tan head with minimal lacing (which shows the level of ABV of the beer, the higher the ABV the less lacing of foam you’ll get down the glass), but that foam stays minimally present down the whole thing.

Flavor: 15/20. There’s a lot going on here. The acidity of the berries definitely shows up in the aftertaste, whereas the flavor of the fruit and the chocolate notes hit up front, feeling like I just bit into a Lindt truffle, then I get that roasty flavor between a coffee and a bold cigar, then that acidity hits home (that takes the 5 points off).

Mouthfeel: No one wants to talk about mouthfeel. 4/5 for reasons I won’t get into because GROSS.

Overall Impression: 9/10. This beer is DELOYSH. My friend (who will remain unnamed aside from the nickname Lil’ Hoovastank) was not a fan of this beer, though the admission was given that it was well made. Lil’ Hoovastank was right; it’s well made. But also they were wrong; it’s a phenomenal beer, and every aspect of it makes me happy in one way or the other.

Pour Two:

Oh, this beefy, beefy boy. Like Magnus Burnsides, it’s a beefy boy that means well and packs quite a punch. It’s about this time that tonight’s game against Arizona has ended, and we squeaked out a win more narrowly than I graduated high school (which @Specner328, ‘proud’ father of yours truly will tell you was FREAKIN’ NARROW). I called this beer ‘thicc’ earlier, and I stand by it; it’s a full-bodied beer, and is sexy as hell. I’m realizing now that I didn’t have the time to grab dinner in between my full-time and part-time jobs tonight, and though my part-time job involved tasting a little bit of candy (I work at a candy store soon to open in Southpoint Mall in Durham), that isn’t the most filling of dinnerthings. Foodstuffs. Mealmeals? Let’s go with that.

Here’s the thing about Southern Pines: They’re one of my favorite newer breweries in NC. Suit and Thai is one of my favorite seasonals, along with their standbys Malty By Nature, a Scottish, and Man Of Law, an IPA so good I included it in the Christmas Case of NC beers for my uncle, a craft beer fan from SC who misses out on a lot of the good stuff we have to offer. He’s big into IPAs, like myself, so I included some delicious Southern Pines for him to experience the good stuff.

Time for the third can. Here we go:

Pour 3:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OOPS! I poured poorly. This one got away from me. In my 50 cl Wooden Robot glass, I poured terribly and this overflowing mess was made. I blame Mike.  OK, let’s re-evaluate things:

Aroma: 8/12. I can’t smell as good as I Could when I started this. IT’smell s good but I can’t evaluate tastes that srong.

Appearance: 3/3 There’s stoill a great presence of dark beer and a head that rivals…insert stupid, sexist joke here that I don’t wanna make because it’s a stupid sexist joke. I dojn’t event have the words for it. Just forget it.

Flavor: 17/20 SO damn rich….like a truffle made of truffles, this is a rich fucking beer. Top notch. Really great.

Mouthfeel: OK SO. I’m going to talk about mouthfeel. Sorry, Jenny. It’s a full-bodied beer, which means it fills the mouth with the taste, then continues on with a thick moputhfeel, moving on to the compelx experiences of her friends and this beer.

Overall Impression: 7/10. This beer is STILL GOOD. My friend (who will remain unnamed aside from the nickname Lil’ Hoovastank) was not a fan of this beer, though the admission was given that it was well made. Lil’ Hoovastank was right; it’s well made. But alo they were wrong; it’s a phenomenal beer, and every aspect of it makes me happy in one way or the other. Still a 7 of 10.

Pour 4:

Oooooooh man what a baeer. Let;s gof throught te BJCP again, but theis time I’m driunk:

Aroma: Mmmmmmm.

Appearance: 3/3. Stil llook s like a beer.

Flavor: 20/20..

Mouthfeel: In terms of Mouthfeel, with a capitalization, we order Part of this isolazation.

Overall Impression: 9beer is a beer. Ui’ve gpt this again.n Dpo you kno how mch beer is invlolved?  I’m ontpxiatated.  There sp s dais:]

Next Morning: My head hurts. My mouth is dry. I regret….everything. This beer was delicious, but best consumed responsibly. Four in one evening is excessive, and could lead to a hangover like you haven’t had since your brother-in-law’s bachelor party. The level of intoxication from beer three to beer four changed dramatically. Not even sure what I was trying to say there at the end. I went to bed. I needed to go to bed.

Get these beers while they’re still available at BottleMixx, they’re truly fantastic. Five dollars a can is a great price for a fun beer experience!

Please drink responsibly.