It’s been a few seasons since I last recapped the season with superlatives. After missing the playoffs yet again, figured some chuckles are in order. Please remember that these are jokes, and feel free to @ me. Without further adieu, the 2016-17 Carolina Hurricanes Superlatives:

Most likely to buy bubble wrap: Ryan Murphy

Most likely to stare vacantly at you: Jay McClement

Most likely to have a favorite Pokémon: Teuvo Teravainen

Most likely to have chocolate milk in his contract rider: Jeff Skinner

Best use of bonus consonants: Jaccob Slavin

Best use of cake to prevent dead air: Tripp Tracy

Most likely to #MAFS: Eddie Lack

Most likely to win a staring contest: Victor Rask

Best use of a box of hats: Sebastian Aho

Better in theory than practice: Martin Frk

Most likely to be used in road construction: Matt Tennyson

Most likely to RKO you out of nowhere: Brett Pesce